Thu 3 Aug 2017
MICHAEL AVALLONE’s “MAN FROM U.NC.L.E.” Books, by MIKE NEVINS.
Posted by Steve under Authors , Columns , TV Espionage & Spies[22] Comments
by Francis M. Nevins
Remember MGM-TV’s THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.? It was one of the most successful of the many quasi-spy series that flooded prime time in the wake of the early James Bond movies. The stars were Robert Vaughn as Napoleon Solo and David McCallum as Illya Kuryakin, with Leo G. Carroll as their boss, Alexander Waverly. The series ran for four seasons (1964-68), the first in black-and white and the remaining three in color.
I began law school at around the time U.N.C.L.E. debuted but, despite a grueling study schedule, managed to catch most of the first season’s episodes, which were reasonably serious with lots of action. Once the series switched to color it also switched to spoofery and camp. I stopped watching.
But millions stuck with Solo and Illya, and once the ratings showed that U.N.C.L.E. was a hit, MGM-TV commissioned a series of tie-in novels, 23 in all, the first of which was written by Michael Avallone (1924-1999). I had no interest in junk paperbacks but in 1970, when I moved to East Brunswick, New Jersey and was working as a Legal Aid attorney, I discovered that my apartment was only a few blocks from Avallone’s house and called him.
That was the beginning of a weird off-and-on relationship that lasted till his death. Before becoming a neighbor of his I had known very little about him, but after we met I began to collect his books, of which there were dozens. Many of them were movie or TV tie-in novels for which he was paid around $2,000 apiece and which he ground out on his smoking typewriter in a few days or a week. I don’t recall reading any of these, but I did get him to sign them and squirreled them away.
After my wife died and I moved into a condo, I segregated all the tie-in books and put them into a cabinet with sliding doors which were generally kept closed. A couple of months ago I happened to open one of those doors and, since the books were arranged alphabetically by author, discovered a bunch of Avallone that I’d never read, including that MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. novel and two tie-ins from the unsuccessful spin-off series THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E. (1967-68), which starred Stefanie Powers as April Dancer and Noel Harrison as Mark Slate. I decided it was time to tackle the trio.
Avallone’s great contribution to pop culture was the Avalloneism. You can’t pick up any of his 200-odd books without finding yourself awash in lines you’d swear couldn’t possibly have been published. But they were. Thousands of them. Small wonder that I soon began to think of Avallone as the Ed Wood of the written word. These three tie-in books offer further proof that my name for him was not off the mark.
In THE THOUSAND COFFINS AFFAIR (Ace pb #G-553, 1965) Solo and Illya fly to a remote German village to find out what diabolical device killed an U.N.C.L.E. scientist while in his tub and why, just before dying, he put on his clothes backwards.
It’s no surprise that the culprit is a minion of the evil agency THRUSH, a villain called Golgotha who comes straight out of the Weird Menace pulps of Avallone’s teens. Solo solves the puzzle when he remembers that the dead man was a mystery nut with a particular fondness for Ellery Queen—and that one of the best known Queen novels, THE CHINESE ORANGE MYSTERY (1934), had to do with a corpse who was also dressed backwards.
Someone, quite possibly Avallone himself, called the book to the attention of Fred Dannay, who was half of the Ellery Queen collaboration and the closest to a grandfather I’ve ever known. A number of years after the incident Fred told me that he’d been furious with Avallone for having given away the raison d’être of the CHINESE ORANGE puzzle. But Avallone couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. Hadn’t he promoted Queen? In a paperback that sold a gazillion copies, hadn’t he plugged one of the most famous EQ titles?
Whether the book really sold that well remains a mystery. In later years Avallone publicly accused the publisher of having cheated him out of huge royalties. The name in the copyright notice is MGM-TV, and most likely he wrote it as a work made for hire, earning a flat fee and no more. In any event Ace had nothing more to do with him. But a year later, when MGM-TV launched the GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E. series and made a tie-in book deal with another publisher, it was Avallone who was tapped to write the first two entries, the only ones that appeared in the U.S. although three more came out in England.
More than half a century has passed between the time Avallone’s contributions to the U.N.C.L.E. saga appeared and the time I pulled them out of my sliding-doored cabinet and read them. I was not disappointed.
First let’s take THE THOUSAND COFFINS AFFAIR, which should have won an Edgar had there been such an award for largest number of words misspelled. In a mere 160 pages we encounter such gems as propellor, esconced, earthern (twice!), jodphurs and cemetary. We are also treated to butchered German locutions like dumbkopf, Vast ist?, Seig heil! and nicht yahr.
Illya’s patronymic or middle name, never given in the TV series, is rendered as Nickovetch, which is gibberish. (The genuine Russian name closest to Avallone’s invention is Nicolaievitch, which I happen to know only because it was the patronymic or middle name of Tolstoy.) And there’s hardly a page without at least one juicy Avalloneism. I will show mercy and offer only a handful, complete with page references.
There was something damnedably odd— (19)
The mechanized bug shot over the road, whipping like the mechanical rabbit at a quinella. (41)
Stewart Fromes’ ten stiff naked toes wore no shoes. (57)
Jerry Terry said “Oh!†and that was all. For Napoleon Solo, it said it all. Oh, indeed. (82)
Like a dead fish, Solo’s right arm fell to his side. (100)
The unexpected was always likely to happen when you least expected it. (140)
When we turn to the second and third of Avallone’s contributions to the saga we find more of the same. THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E. #1: THE BIRDS OF A FEATHER AFFAIR (Signet pb #D3012, 1966) not only recycles some of the misspellings like propellor and esconced, it describes one of the bad guys as both a Hindu and a Sikh.
On one page he’s killed by a bullet in the back of the neck and on the very next page we are told that “[b]lood from his blasted skull dripped to the floor.†As if those gaffes weren’t enough, Stefanie Powers’ first name is spelled wrong on the front cover. (That one we have to chalk up to Signet.)
Storywise it’s typical Avallone, with first Slate and then Dancer kidnapped by THRUSH in a plot to swap them for a top enemy scientist, who claims to have discovered the secret of eternal life and is being held at U.N.C.L.E. headquarters. It turns out that the scientist has an identical double who’s operating as a mole inside the good guys’ stronghold but no one in U.N.C.L.E. suspects they might be twin brothers as in fact they are.
At one point while April Dancer is being held prisoner, a THRUSH man relieves her of “her handbag, personal effects, and even her bra (without having had to undress her).†Neat trick if you can pull it off!
Of Avalloneisms the book has no shortage. This time I’ll limit myself to five.
Noise echoed around the room, gobbling up echoes. (20)
“You’re a fool,†the redhead hissed. (23)
His kindly brown eyes were unaccustomably grim. (69)
Her bra, taut from immersion, was strangling her breasts. (72)
The whipsaw wore a long green velvet dress. (80)
Tugs and seagoing freighters mooed like enormous cows in the harbor. (103)
Whoops! Was that six? Just goes to show that quoting from Avallone is habit-forming.
THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E. #2: THE BLAZING AFFAIR (Signet pb #D3042, 1966), in which Stefanie Powers’ name is again misspelled on the front cover, pits our heroic agents against an organization calling itself TORCH and described on the back cover as “so fantastically evil it puts THRUSH to shame!â€
April begins by foiling an assassination plot in the Ruritanian kingdom of Ostarkia, then joins Slate in Budapest before the two of them go on to Johannesburg on the trail of a TORCH scheme to fund its plans for world domination with South African diamonds. There seem to be fewer Avalloneisms this time around, but those that survived the Signet editorial process, such as it was, are choice.
Kurt’s beady eyes roved between them, not sure what they were talking about, not certain as to exactly what to do next. (59)
The colt in the chair was straining at the leash now. (69)
The man with the withered face frowned a frownless frown. (71)
Like so many little men wanting to be bigger than they ever really were in the first place. (126)
In case I’ve whetted your appetite and you’re determined to read more of these cubic zirconia without visiting your shelves or a secondhand bookstore, I’ve put together a much more extensive catalogue from the trilogy, again complete with page references, which I’ve provided because I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m making this stuff up. You’ll find the bonanza of boners by clicking HERE. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
August 3rd, 2017 at 2:57 pm
For several years near the end of his life I was friends with Mike Avallone and he was a member of our little group of pulp collectors who would meet at my house and attend the Pulpcons. To this day we all miss him and recall his crazy sense of humor.
In many respects Mike talked and kidded around like Mike Nevins mentions above concerning the dialog in his many novels. His sense of humor was unbelievable and over the top. But he did feel that the book industry had blackballed him over the fact that he had questioned some royalties.
Though he got along well with me and my collector friends, he did have some misunderstandings with other writers. A few years ago I got tired of everyone blasting him for these feelings and decided to write a short memoir of how some of us collectors loved the guy and got along with him.
For my article on our friendship see https://mysteryfile.com/blog/?p=5817
We will not soon see his like again.
August 3rd, 2017 at 3:07 pm
You and Mike Nevins were lucky to have lived so so close to him, Walker, and to have had so many conversations with him. I met him only at various conventions, including Pulpcon, and we got along well. He was a wonderful storyteller, but opinionated? For good or bad, the answer is definitely Yes.
PS. To everyone, be sure to follow the link to more of the Avalloneisms compiled by Mke Nevins. It’s quite a collection.
August 3rd, 2017 at 3:12 pm
Yes, the Avalloneisms are a lot of fun and that’s how Mike talked in real life to his buddies. He was so enthusiastic and full of quotes from the movies. He loved baseball and was quite a kidder. My wife and daughter loved him.
August 3rd, 2017 at 4:20 pm
Regarding the UNCLE TV shows, I had just gotten married when the first season started, and we didn’t have a TV for a few years after that.
My wife and I were both in grad school on teaching assistants’ salaries, and we just didn’t have the money to buy one.
When we did finally get one, it was well after the shows were in color, and as Mike says, the spoofery and camp factors were at their peak. After the buildup and anticipation I had from reading about the show, I was, in a word, disappointed.
Except for perhaps the first season, I don’t imagine the series has improved with age.
August 3rd, 2017 at 9:13 pm
The first season of The Man from UNCLE is great fun, as close as American television ever came to matching the Bond films at their best, and the second and fourth have their share of good episodes buried among the flat and silly ones.
August 3rd, 2017 at 9:23 pm
I forgot to thank Mr Nevins for his delightful article, and for typing out all those priceless Avalloneisms. I’m sure that the other tie-in novels are equally absurd and amusing.
August 4th, 2017 at 12:19 am
Some of Avallone’s other tie-in novels are adaptations of movies. I wonder ho much leeway he was given on those, as compared to these he did for UNCLE, which (unless I’m mistaken) were original stories.
August 4th, 2017 at 12:14 pm
Thank you, Walker, for balancing Mike Nevins’ hatchet job with your portrait of Avo the Man. Michael Avallone was a close personal friend of mine to the point that, I’m proud to say, two of his Ed Noon novels are dedicated to me. His son, author/director David Avallone, remains a good friend. Mike Nevins has been exploiting the generosities Avo showed him years ago by mocking him in print for decades. Yes, the Avallonisms are funny all these years later. That, among many other aspects, was always part of the wonderful charm of Mike’s work. He was a great guy and a notable second string PI writer in the league of guys like Robert Leslie Bellem, Richard S.Prather and Carter Brown. Watching Nevins kick the old man’s bones one last time says less about the fun and verve of Avallone’s writing than it does about Nevins’ forgotten, lackluster attempts at making it as a novelist. Should you care to read one of the most entertaining PI writers out there at the top of his game, try DEAD GAME, CASE OF THE VIOLENT VIRGIN, LUST IS NO LADY, THE FEBRUARY DOLL MURDERS. All are readily & cheaply available as ebooks. A writer or Mike Avallone’s career deserves to be celebrated for his best work, not the hurried pulp work he hacked out on assignment. Although, that said, THE MAN FROM UNCLE remains one hell of a fun ride. Shame on you, Nevins.
August 4th, 2017 at 12:14 pm
Thanks for this closeup look at the Wonderful Wacky World of Mike Avallone. Mike and his wife Fran were friends of mine. My daughter Becca was born on their wedding anniversary — May 27 — and, every year until he died, Mike sent Becca a birthday card. He and I wrote a short story together in the ’80s, and he suggested we leave his name off it to give it a better shot at being accepted by the mystery magazines he was convinced (rightly or wrongly) were biased against him. I refused, and the story — “Better Safe Than Sorry” — wound up appearing, correctly credited to both of us, in the Summer/Fall 1987 issue of HARDBOILED. Mike could certainly be abrasive, and he was an aggressive self-promoter, but he was a good man with a big heart. I remember him with great fondness.
August 4th, 2017 at 1:03 pm
I’m saddened to see Francis slap around the corpse of a man who was generous to him and considered him a friend. In an age before spell-check and computers, surely a professional writer understands that a misspelling in a printed book is entirely the responsibility of the editors of the publishing house, no? Seems like an incredibly childish thing to belabor, but I’m naturally biased.
As to the hints in the article, and in some of the comments, that Dad’s blackballing was a figment of his imagination… I understand that impulse, but you are all very sadly mistaken. I have read a letter from his agent, Jay Garon, pleading with him in the mid-seventies to not press his publishers for rightly-owned royalties and predicting (accurately) that he would be blacklisted if he pursued his claims. (Again, I am a little surprised to see supposed professionals taking the side of a publisher against an author, re: royalties.) On top of Garon’s letter, I have seen the printing histories of the books and the “royalty statements” from some of his publishers — in many cases, seriously, a telegram saying “we don’t owe you money,” with zero accounting information.
Some of this stuff could be researched, if one were curious about the truth rather than continuing with the same nonsense that’s been whispered about the man for decades.
In the end, though… his work will be read, and will outlive, anything Nevins has accomplished in his life, and I’m sure that would satisfy him as much as he would be disappointed to find out he had opened his doors and his heart to a snake.
August 4th, 2017 at 5:05 pm
Way back manny years I attended a writers’ conference and had the pleasure of getting into a seminar given by Mr. Avallone and getting about 25 books (U.N.C.L.E., Mannix, Ed Noon series [even the one where he is posing on the cover], Satan Sleuth, etc.) autographed. He was most gracious.
During the seminar in a Q&A exchange he waved his hand at me snd just declared “You’re a writer.”
The major speaker was Flora Rheta Schrieber of Sybil fame. As I sat in one of the back rows in the stadium seat lecture hall, Mr. Avallone came in. We spotted each other and I waved then my jaw dropped as he made a bee line to get the seat next to mine. We exchanged opinions about the speaker during her talk..
Over the years, we had occasional contact (he was not reluctant to express opinions of other writers) and he had nothing but encouragement and congratulations when I sent him a copy of a role-playing game I co-wrote.
Always a gentleman, always encouraging, always responsive.
Miss you, Mr. Avallone.
August 4th, 2017 at 8:54 pm
That’s definitely the Mike Avallone I knew also. It was several years between the first and second time I met him in person, and when he spotted me the second time he came right over and began a conversation with me as if no time had passed at all.
August 5th, 2017 at 1:09 am
Signet must have liked something, they published quite a few of Avallone’s novelizations of movies and films and many of the Ed Noon series.
His books were always fun to read, playful, and mindful of the best of Robert Leslie Bellem and Dan Turner. Many a better writer was never half as entertaining.
He seems to be a writer who truly loved writing, and I wonder if he might have been immune to critics even a friend being honest about their opinion of his books.
As for the spelling that shows sloppy editing by the publisher. Back then writers were expected to provide copy on time, not edit their work as print ready as they are today.
August 6th, 2017 at 1:36 pm
Hi all —
A word of explanation is in order. Several negative comments about Mike Nevins’ “attack” on Mike Avallone have recently been left on this blog.
You do not see them now, since I’ve temporarily put them on hold. Mike N. sent me this column well in advance of his usual appearance on this blog at the beginning of each month, but I have not heard from him since then, even after I emailed him when it finally appeared.
I certainly don’t mind people leaving comments on this disagreeing with each other, but each of the comments now removed attacked Mike and his motives personally. The kind of name-calliing they’ve done, I always find uncalled for if not offensive.
I let their comments stand through last night, however, but I finally decided to remove them, at least for the time being.
Mike N. has had health issues, as you may recall from a previous column, and I hope that’s not the case again, but even if not, I decided to wait before reinstating the comments until he’s able to respond in person.
Until I know more about Mike N., I felt a bit presumptuous in my defending him, even though I see no malicious intent in this column, no more a personal “attack” on Mike Avallone than Bill Pronzini did, as an example, for many authors in his GUN IN CHEEK books.
Still speaking for myself, I find what Mike N. has called Avalloneisms small gems of the literary world of mystery fiction, and make me all the more want to go back and re-read his work, or for many of them, including these three books in the UNCLE series, read them for the first time.
August 6th, 2017 at 8:37 pm
“Until I know more about Mike N….”
You removed the comments from two men who know a lot more than you do about Mike N. Maybe you should have listened.
You’ve removed my comments, and Steve Mertz’, which you found “offensive,” I guess. Yes, how offensive for a man’s son and his best friend to stick up for him when he can no longer defend himself.
You see… my father is dead, Steve. Why don’t you remove Nevins’ article until THAT health issue is resolved? I mean, if Nevins deserves that consideration, it seems odd not to extend it to his deceased target. But I guess the discourse here is a one-way street.
You want to let Nevins put my father on trial and delete the defense testimony — from expert witnesses. Well, Steve, I am offended by this column and I damn well have a right to be. Deleting my responses, and Steve’s adds insult to injury and is nothing more or less than cowardly.
When a nasty hyena tries to draw a little attention to his own small self by gnawing on my father’s corpse, I’m going to be kicking said hyena in the ribs.
If you don’t understand the code of conduct that DEMANDS that response, I pity you.
You can keep deleting. From here on in, I’ll be taking screenshots for posterity.
August 6th, 2017 at 9:39 pm
David
I’ve decided that you are right. Your response does deserve to be seen. I’ll leave both of yours up for everyone to read and to have what you have to say on record. It’s only fair.
Please keep in mind that Mike Nevins has been a friend of mine for 40 years. I would have known your father for an equally long time if he were still alive. Although we met in person only 3 or 4 times, we corresponded for many years by ordinary mail, and I considered him a friend as well.
You can blame me as much as Mike Nevins for this article on your father, as I am the one responsible for posting it. I may be wrong, but I see nothing untoward in reminding everyone what a way with words your father had.
He was an author who loved to write, and as someone to talk to at a convention, there was no one better.
Please go back and read the comments that others have left who have enjoyed the article and who have also talked about your father. My sense is that you should be pleased to have him remembered in the way they talk about him.
August 6th, 2017 at 9:59 pm
Steve: thanks for restoring the comments. Personally, I think Nevins crosses the line in many places — as other have observed, blaming a writer for sloppy haphazard editing and slipshod publishers is weak tea indeed. And a lot of what he derides, very clearly derides, as bad writing is fine writing he doesn’t have the wit to appreciate. Those are matters of opinion, not fact. If he confined himself to opinion I’d let it ride. It’s more that he made a pretense of being a fan, to my father’s face (and mine, btw) but chooses to write this bullshit when Dad’s no longer alive to defend himself… well, that’s several leaps beyond what I am willing to sit still for.
Again, thanks for stepping up and letting us have our say again. You’ll hear no more from me on this “essay.” Best wishes, sincerely.
August 6th, 2017 at 10:06 pm
Calmer waters again. Thanks and best wishes to you also, David.
August 6th, 2017 at 10:31 pm
I just noticed something about this entire matter. I’ve known almost everyone from the old Pulpcon days when I was friends with them and hung out with them during so many conventions. Steve Mertz I know from a couple early Pulpcons and Steve Lewis I’ve been friends with for over 40 years. Both Mike Nevins and Mike Avallone I’ve been friends with also and know from so many pulp conventions.
August 7th, 2017 at 11:00 am
I have not met any of you including Steve who I know only through email. What I notice is the late Mike Avallone reportedly loved to argue. If so, he would be very pleased with all of this.
August 7th, 2017 at 12:15 pm
There are some points that need to be brought out.
First, Mike Nevins did not attack Michael Avallone. He panned or attacked Mike Avallone’s BOOKS. There is a big difference.
Everyone who reads a published book has the right to offer their opinions, both positive or negative. Most published authors accept this fact. Some readers are going to like Avallone’s books, some aren’t. We all have to live with this.
I clearly like Avallone’s books much more than Nevins. There is a positive review on my web site. But while “I may not agree with what you have to say, I’ll defend to the death your right to say it.”
Secondly, the root cause of the problem here goes much deeper. Most mystery writers are radically understudied. There is almost no in-depth critical analysis of 95% of them.
You can’t go to the library and get a book entitled “The Novels of Michael Avallone: A Critical Study”. As far as I know, such a work does not exist. (If it does, please tell me. I’ll go right out and read it.)
If large numbers of writers were offering analysis of Michael Avallone’s books, individual review like Nevins’ would be seen in a larger perspective. They would be seen as part of a mosaic of responses to the novels.
Instead, we have what Andrew Sarris calls “amnesia”. Most books, films, radio shows and comics are simply ignored or nearly forgotten.
This is the actual cause of problems here. Not some individual article.
August 9th, 2017 at 3:02 pm
I see no need to respond, in kind or otherwise, to the attacks by Steve Mertz and David Avallone, which remind me of the tweets of a certain president who shall be nameless. I’ve written about Mike’s wacko way with words previously, in fact long before he died (see my piece in The New Republic back in 1979), He never objected and we remained on good terms.